Obsessive behavior

[Casey Laurie]

Hi,

We are caring for and attempting to rehabilitate an emergency foster.
She needs a LOT of work, but the most immediate thing right here and now that we must address is her obsessive behavior with my husband. He is the one that rescued her amd she knows it. She's also driving him nuts. I think she'd probably get over it eventually once she figures out that all good things come from everyone else and gets into a structured routine, but it's getting to the point where he just can't take it any more...and this is only the first week. We have a tiny apartment so putting her in another room is not really an option.

When he is around, she has eyes and ears for no one else. She sticks to him like glue with herding like behavior. Follows closely right behind the knee and circles whomever is the highest ranking human in the house at the time. No one else is particularly bothered by this, and we just ignore it, but he feels like he's being stalked. She also sits and stares at him adoringly for long periods of time. He's (my husband) becoming increasingly difficult to live with.

I told him he needs to ignore this behavior and not acknowledge her unless she's behaving appropriately but he's having great difficulty doing this and it seems to be exacerbating other stress factors in his life right now.

Yeesh...I'm not sure who needs training more; him or the dog, lol.
At any rate, she is definitely obsessed with him and suffers terrible seperation anxiety when he isn't around.

What can I do? He's driving ME insane with his temperment about this, and the poor girl is feeling so insecure.

[Melissa Brunoehler]

Hi Casey~

Thanks for fostering & thanks for helping Lily!
I agree with you, the best thing for your husband to do is to ignore the inappropriate behavior(s). If that is not option then step in & keep Lily away from him. The last thing we want is for Lily to drive Hubby crazy & for both Hubby & Lily to stress out. Let Lily drag her leash or a light line (when you're supervising) if she's herding your husband or bothering him, go get her. Pick up the leash & walk her happily away. You don't need to make a big deal about it, just go get her & continue on with what ever you were doing.



Hi,

We are caring for and attempting to rehabilitate an emergency foster.
She needs a LOT of work, but the most immediate thing right here and now that we must address is her obsessive behavior with my husband. He is the one that rescued her amd she knows it. She's also driving him nuts. I think she'd probably get over it eventually once she figures out that all good things come from everyone else and gets into a structured routine, but it's getting to the point where he just can't take it any more...and this is only the first week. We have a tiny apartment so putting her in another room is not really an option.

When he is around, she has eyes and ears for no one else. She sticks to him like glue with herding like behavior. Follows closely right behind the knee and circles whomever is the highest ranking human in the house at the time. No one else is particularly bothered by this, and we just ignore it, but he feels like he's being stalked. She also sits and stares at him adoringly for long periods of time. He's (my husband) becoming increasingly difficult to live with.

I told him he needs to ignore this behavior and not acknowledge her unless she's behaving appropriately but he's having great difficulty doing this and it seems to be exacerbating other stress factors in his life right now.

Yeesh...I'm not sure who needs training more; him or the dog, lol.
At any rate, she is definitely obsessed with him and suffers terrible seperation anxiety when he isn't around.

What can I do? He's driving ME insane with his temperment about this, and the poor girl is feeling so insecure.

[Casey Laurie]

Thanks yet again Melissa :)

I will definitely try the lead, but now that Zoe-Kitten is no longer afraid of her, I'm laying odds that life will become very interesting to say the least. I have this mental image of the dog walking the cat, or vice/versa, lol.

As she gets settled in it seems to be getting better. She and I had "words" last night about exactly who it is that "owns" the space next to "Daddy".

Lilly had been invited onto the bed with everyone else to watch TV and decided to take over my spot when I got up to get a drink. When I returned and tried to take back my spot she growled at me. Needless to say she earned herself an express trip to the floor PDQ. I gave her a little growl of my own and had my husband remove her (he just picked her up and put her on the floor matter of factly) to make room for me and nothing more was said about it. For the rest of the night she looked at me for approval before going to his side.

Her anxiety when he left for work this morning was much less intense and lasted only a few minutes. I think it was a matter of really just being confident that she would be safe.
A few minutes ago she was sleeping peacefully and something must have spooked her because she bolted from a sound sleep and hid by my legs, sniffing the air. Poor thing. I wonder if dogs have bad dreams. She's ok now though, and back to her nap.

[heathea]

May I please recommend that you do not allow your rescue dog on the bed and that you implement NILIF immediately. Also, a good idea would be that your husband not pay attention to the rescue while you are there, you give the food, you take her out, etc. This will establish you as the leader and focus her attention elsewhere.
I know it is hard to keep animals off of furniture, but I really think it will actually help her with her confidence rather than make her "feel bad". Once she has this confidence she will be much less likely to follow only your husband around, she will follow all of you...

Having her drag a leash is a good idea (only when supervised, lest there be choking, etc.), but what might work better would be to have her tethered to you. This would also help establish you as her benefactor and keep her out of your husbands way.

Take care,
Heather

[Casey Laurie]

Hi Heather, Yes, we already have NILIF in place. The bed is a priviledge for our dogs, not a right.
Lilly is simply not ready for that priviledge as we have found and is no longer allowed on the bed. The other suggestions you made regarding her primary care have also already been implimented from the beginning. My husband ignoring her completely when I am there is not really an option. I may be able to get him to ignore the behavior occasionally, but I will never be able to get him to completely ignore the dog. Unfortunately, husbands are much more difficult to train than dogs >^_~
What I can do is set up more training time with Lilly and the kids. She already seeks out attention from my daughter in the afternoons, and I would like to encourage that very much.

I'm the only one that walks her since she exhibits defensive behavior and anxiety in public. Once I feel she has a handle on things I will encourage the kids to do more with her outside.
I give her breakfast, and our son and daughter take turns handling dinnertime.
That's when they get wet food. She's making incredible progress with her food related issues. She will now tolerate being petted while eating, and having the bowl moved around or removed. While I would not ordinarily do such a thing and firmly believe dogs should be left in peace to eat (I'd be pretty ticked if someone came along and rudely disturbed my meals like that), the shelter's temperment test will require her full cooperation.
This morning was pretty amusing when she tried to trade me a toy for my breakfast, lol

[heathea]

well, sounds like you are doing everything you can and correctly at that. I had friends who ended up handling a dog very badly because they didn't realize that not all dogs can be on a bed or couch and not take it as a right. My dogs sleep with me at night and cuddle me on the couch during the day. I tend to worry when people aren't aware, and I am glad you are. :)


Yes, my husband cannot be trained not to leave his socks out of the living room no matter what...so I understand. :D

Fear aggression is a tough one, I have a dog who under extreme duress shows fear aggression (bit the lady at the pound when she reached in for him, almost wasn't allowed to take him home). I wish you all the luck in the world with that one, it is a tough thing to overcome, but you sure sound like you know what you are doing.

Take care, good luck, and you rock for fostering!
-Heather

[Casey Laurie]

Thanks >^_^<
You should have seen me two years ago when we first got Rusty (also neglected, abused, and unsocialized)...oy!
I was a wreck. Rusty bit or snapped at 5 people during the first 6 weeks he was with us. Since then there have been two more incidents, one was my husbands fault for not following directions when I told him not to leave the dog alone with our son's guests and keep him behind the baby gate("but he was fine! He was getting his tummy rubbed and happy") ::grrrr:: thankfully it was just a scratch. The last time was Christmas when we had a guest and she pet him absentmindedly after being warned not to touch him unless he asked her to. No broken skin this time, so as much as I was upset that it happened at all, he still showed restraint and improvement.

Rusty almost went back to the shelter after the first 8 weeks. My nerves were shot and I had no idea what to do. I even called "Uncle Matty" on advice of a friend to ask if he knew of any resources that I could afford. I'd never seen his show. His response was to insist that he and only he could help my dog and that Rusty must be flown cross country immediately to be trained and reconditioned at his facility in California. If I was unwilling to do that (If it were your child you would spare no expense, guilt, guilt, guilt, give me money, guilt, guilt), anything other than taking him back to the shelter to be PTS, or isolating him away from other people forever would make me an irresponsible parent...and if I couldn't do that then I should at least buy his book :angry: I still see red any time his name is mentioned.

On top of that, none of the obedience schools around here at the time would accept aggressive dogs, and we cannot afford private trainers.
Just when I thought all was lost, I found K9U yahoogroups, and was given this much needed ray of hope. NILIF was immediately implimented and Rusty made slow but steady progress. Behavior management was immediate and effective so both Rusty and I could calm down enough to bond properly.
My husband was extremely difficult to work with and had a hard time understanding exactly how serious Rusty's issues were because he had never really seen a biting incident. I learned to communicate more effectively with him and trust him a bit more and he agreed to try to be consistant with our training methods.

We finally found a wire cage muzzle to fit Rusty last October and he has made incredible progress since then. Now he will approach people wagging his tail in a happy, friendly manner and ask to be petted. He still has dog/dog issues, but his people trust level is much better.

This time with Lilly, my husband is actually listening and looking to me for training methods. The ignore thing is really the only issue. He's been just wonderful otherwise, he really has.

[heathea]

agh! I have been desperate and hopeless myself. I lived with friends who had a dog that would attack us (starting with me) on a nightly basis (only at night, randomly, sweet during the day). It turned out to be chemical (spaniel rage), but got significantly worse when we were given incorrect (alpha roll) advice from a different vet when we couldn't get ahold of our behaviorist. To this day I still think it could have been handled better, but I don't know. It was not my dog...
anyway.
Yes, I don't know why it is mostly women who relate to dog issues (not 100% by any means, but there are a lot more women than men on this site), but my husband doesn't understand why the dogs will come running up to me and follow me around (his quote) like dog biscuits are going to come out of my butt at any moment and not do that with him. In fact, if he can't call them in from outside, he will open the door and I will whistle and they will run. I've tried explaining, but he either just doesn't get it or doesn't want to. But he loves them and is more patient than me...so, its a trade off.

All the luck in the world!
-Heather

[Melissa Brunoehler]

Hi Casey,

I would like to recommend one other thing for Lily (if you haven't done it already)- Get her a dog bed/towel/blanket that is just hers. You can teach her to got it on cue. Use a bed or towel that you don't care about so you can send it with her to her new home. I find that with some rescues having their own bed really makes them feel more secure. It will also help her transition into a new home.

[Casey Laurie]

Hi Melissa,
Yup! She has a blanket, but a real bed was next on our list. We were discussing that just last night. Art is going to see if they have any at the shelter, or we may get her one like our dogs have that she can take with her to her eventual forever home. >^_^<

[heathea]

Said it before and I will say it again. I LOVE Costco dog beds. If you have a Costco near you I highly recommend their beds, they are under $20 and the covers have withstood many a dirty paw and washing. They are also quite comfy, I have layed on them with my dogs many times. :D
Take care,
Heather